Of Free Will and Redemption

Ok, now before we get our panties in a twist before we get to the end of this post let me say this now. I love every one. Despite of race, color, ethnicity, creed, sexual orientation, or gender. I LOVE people. And not just in a “i’m saying I love people because its what I’m supposed to do” way. I care deeply about all people. Past what some one does, to the heart of who they are, that’s what I care about. Now, know my intention in what I’m going to say here is not bashing any one group of people. I am picking a culture to use as an example for one reason only, because we’ve all heard this reason being given.

And now on to what is either going to make you hate me, or make you love me because you are going to misconstrue my words (its ok, we all pick and choose what we read and hear to fit our beliefs which is another point I want to touch on.)

One of the things I HATE to hear people say is “I can’t help it. I was born this way”. Well, I’m calling bullshit.

There are a couple of things that I was born as. I was born as a female, to a family with one other child. I had hair, and fingers and toes. I had (and still have) bum ears. I was born into sin.

I am still female, I still have only one brother, and my mother, and my father. I still have all of my fingers and my toes by the grace of God. I still have bum ears. I still sin.

I am a Christian. And one of the things that delights me about Christianity is something every one takes for granted. Free will. I am a Christian because I chose Christ as my savior. I was given the choice. I was told that it was my decision. BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS MY DECISION.

I believe in a God who is so amazing that He told me “ask, seek” My God encourages me to question. To find out who He is for myself and not from what some one told me He is and what I needed to believe.

The redemption of Christ hinges on free will.

Why are we selling ourselves short now? Why are we taking away something that God put into place in the very beginning?

Because its easier not to be responsible for our lives. For our decision.

There are patterns in our lives that develop as a result of our circumstances, and the choices we make in those circumstances. I am patterned to be attracted to asshole guys who make me feel oh so special and then treat me like crap. That is a predisposition in my life, but it is in no way a comment on my future. I get to decide that.

I hear a lot of people justify things (such as homosexuality) with the phrase “I was born this way”. It infuriates me. Simply because it takes away some one’s free will. Their ability to choose for themselves. That breaks my heart. And frankly I don’t understand it. In terms of sexual orientation I am vanilla white bread. Personal preference. I like men. (not to make me sound promiscuous because I’m not) and I don’t want to sound like a bigoted asshat either. If you are reading this and thinking “of course you feel this way about gay people you fundy Christian bitch” let me inform you that MY first physical (and yes, sexual) relationship was with a woman. And I initiated. Not because I wanted to see what it was like, because I genuinely cared for this person and was attracted to them. My second venture into sex was a two year long relationship with an emotionally abusive isolating d-bag. I will never walk those two paths again. I could though, I still think some women are exceptionally attractive and we’ve already discussed my predisposition to ass holes. But I have decided I don’t want those things in my life. I have made the choice to seek out something different. Its been a hard process, long and painful to try to redirect myself out of patterns I developed in my life. I lost people in the process, but I gained better. I decided to start seeing myself as powerful, beautiful, and worthy. I chose to walk in my power and my decisions. I am responsible for me. I get to decide to get off my ass and make my life the life I want, and I get to decide to sit down and stay stuck and blame it on every one else (doesn’t make it true, but I can still do that) I get to decide what I believe and how I perceive the things people tell me. Its all me! Its a huge responsibility, but DAMN its so freeing. because I know if I don’t like something, well I get to change it. I get to walk out of crappy relationships. I get to do things that make me happy. I get to surround myself with people who will encourage me and limit the ones who make me feel guilty.

We need to stop taking our own voices away and start owning up to the decisions we make. Because if you aren’t deciding for your life, who is?

Moment of silence.

I feel like, as such a broken nation, that tonight we need to take a moment of silence. We need to grieve the loss of a young man. Of a life that was taken. We need to just allow ourselves to feel it. Regardless of what the verdict was, some one’s son, friend, classmate will never tell them “happy birthday” or even a simple “hey” again. And that’s enough reason to grieve.

So this is long.

I started this post a while ago. Things were going on and I was going to rant about things like integrity and responsibility. Mostly because I was angry at some circumstances and wanted to have everyone agree with me. Instead I decided to wait, let it stew around in my head for a while until I could get to the heart of what I wanted to say.

And its simple.

Seek out wisdom.

Seek it like your life depended on it. (because someday it might)

And once you gain it, use it.

I have friends who are wonderful people. Beautiful souls whose hearts are in the right places, but whose values I disagree with. Ok so maybe values isn’t the right word to use. I disagree with the execution of intent.

Recently some one came to me and told me she wanted to organize a “slut walk” in our city. She had heard about it because some university had called a police officer in to speak to the students about the recent increase in sexual assaults on campus. The officer misspoke and said something to the effect of “it would help if young ladies wouldn’t dress like sluts”. While I agree that “slut” wasn’t the best word choice, the wisdom was still there.

I would never shame a woman for how she was dressed, just as I would expect the same in return. That being said….. Pay attention. Be wise. Think ahead.

We allow ourselves to remain ignorant if we think we can walk out of our homes in this day and age in skimpy clothing, and not receive unwanted attention.

Modesty has so many benefits. If you can look at a woman in jeans and a nice fitting t-shirt and see that she feels confident and pretty and sure of herself, you can tell she isn’t an ideal “victim” (now mind you, it does happen. It happened to me. Stabbed straight through the Abbey Road tee I was rocking too… shame. I loved that shirt)

Smart girl 101: know where you are and how you can get out at all times.

Use your voice and your head

Make smart choices.

Know your value. You are priceless.

A little peace of my kitchen

Let the contradictions begin

Recently I have realized that I am sick of opinions. I am sick of talking and listening to people talk. I am almost to the point that I don’t even want to say another word to anyone. What does it matter any more?
It’s all just noise.
Me expressing my opinion doesn’t change things. I can blather on about whatever issue I want, but what does it help? Raise your voice, raise awareness! More like raise my self up. It doesn’t matter.
But…. Do you know what does? People.
You know what can change things? People. People who are willing to shut up and reach out. To teach some one else what their value is, to tell some one that the only thing that is true is this “YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU ARE SO VALUABLE. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH”, and then act in a way that will make them believe it.

It’s a blog! (a really conceited one)

So about me eh? I’m a faith walking Jesus lover. And people lover. I have the mouth of a sailor some times. I don’t like to judge people, but I am opinionated. Its cool if we disagree, we can still be friends.